3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
