You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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