she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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