I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am available for nakedness
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
