i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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