Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
