I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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