uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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