Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
please don't ironically join a cult
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