i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
