I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
