You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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