i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize