I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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