Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
