If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
