That's intense
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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