Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
