dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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