I hate your face
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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