Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
