thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
