yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
