and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My vagina is very pro this idea
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
