Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
