At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize