Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
