You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
