Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
