piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
