wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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