this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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