my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
