I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
