So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
