you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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