Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
