she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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