Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
