just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
