your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
