Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
