So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
