she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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