Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
