It's Friday. Sex?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize