It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
