life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize