dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
