They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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