another moral hangover. fuck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
