How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
