plz talk dirty to me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize