I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
