She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can I color on your dick again?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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