I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
