I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
