I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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