you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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