Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
