Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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