If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
