Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
