.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
