Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
