What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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