he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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