update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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