my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
