So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
