If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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