Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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