Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize