I'll bet she douches with gravy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
