Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
