i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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