he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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