What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
