I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize