Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
