I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
