ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
