ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
