bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
