Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
