U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize