4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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