So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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