Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
