HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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