i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have post one night stand depression
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