the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
