I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your penis caused this!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
