Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
