My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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