i permit you to call me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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