Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
