and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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