The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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