So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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