I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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