i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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