so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
