SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just pee around me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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