The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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