So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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