Your dad touched me again.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
