someone get that fucking seahorse.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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