I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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