Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
