Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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