yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
