i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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